Wednesday was a somewhat odd day for me. It started out what I thought was great. I had applied for a position at the Examiner several weeks ago and found out yesterday that I got it! So you can image how ecstatic I was. I sent my hubby a text to call me (making sure I put in there that it was really good new). So he called I told him and all I got was an “oh” (you could hear the disappointment as he apparently thought it was something else). Not really encouraging to me at all and it hurt me pretty bad, so I said goodbye, hung up and cried. Yes, people, I do sometimes cry, I know that may be hard to believe.
So I spent the rest of the day trying not to let the disappointment in his voice ruin the rest of my day nor the fact that I will now get paid to do what I love to do and that is to write.
So he called on his way home. I am not sure how it was brought up but he flat out told me he doesn’t want me to write about him or his PTSD. I was actually shocked by that statement. And now I am getting a little more upset just for the simple fact that I am a Military Marriage Examiner. What else am I suppose to write about? He already knew that I wrote about PTSD and how it affects me. He just wants me to leave his name out of it. That only goes for the Examiner, he did say that he didn’t care if I did it on my blog. Anyway, so we hung up, however, he never came home. I waited a good 30 minutes and called him. He was in the school parking lot and had been just sitting there because he didn’t want to come home and fight. Ummm ok, I was not aware that we were fighting. So he makes it home, eats, takes a shower, and lays in bed. I go in there after about 30 minutes (knowing all the signs are there for another PTSD moment), open the door and instead find that he had been crying. WHOA, time out! This is a new development. So I laid in bed with him held him and then he went to sleep.
Moral of the story here? PTSD you are a sneaky lil devil! Just when I think I have got things figured out and know how to handle things, that little devil switches things around on me, just taunting me.