I have done a lot of pondering lately about life and how stressful it is. I don’t think I was put on this earth to be a woman or if I was, well I’d just rather be a man. I am married, so I am sure that comes as a shock to my husband. We have been through a lot and are the best of friends, but I have kept this secret from him. Ok, so I don’t really want to be a man but sometimes I do wish I were a man, just like I am sure men have wished they were a woman (although they only wish it so would have the ability to play with boobs anytime they want).
Sometimes I Wish I Were a Man Because:
- I could pee standing up. You have no idea what it’s like to squat in the middle of the woods, show your bare @$$ to nature while you hope that you don’t get bit on the rear by a snake, just to have piss splash on your feet because the only way you could possibly miss peeing on your feet is to completely take your pants and panties off so you can spread those feet as far as possible. Although, I did just recently buy a FUD (female urination device). All I can say, is damn I need to practice aiming! Never again will I yell at my husband or son for dribbling on or around the toilet!
- Someone else will cook my food. Oh, how amazing it would be to come home and have someone else prepare the meal. I will say that my husband does cook from time to time, but his menu is limited lol. At least I am grateful that he does do some cooking. His BBQ ribs freaking rock BTW!
- Meal planning, what’s that? To never plan out a week’s worth of meals again because that is someone else’s job would be heavenly.
- There are clean clothes all the time. All it would take is me saying honey, my pants are dirty and POOF they are clean.
- I would be applauded for my burps (and farts). For the record, women do fart and burp already (duh) however, when we do it we are looked at as being un-ladylike. Apparently, we are supposed to hold that shit in until we explode or something. Men on the other hand, the louder it is the more they are praised for it!
- I’d have more money. No, I am not talking about a higher salary because of my gender. I am talking about the fact that I wouldn’t have to spend a small fortune on makeup, moisturizer, toner, astringent, hair products, hair dye, lotions, body wash (because apparently women are delicate freaking flowers and we can’t just use soap), waxing, and the other million things that women do.
- No more cleaning up vomit and diarrhea. How the hell did I get stuck with this damn job!?
- I would get sick days. Mom’s don’t get days off. If we are sick we still have to deal with the kiddos and house stuff. If the kiddos are sick at the same time, you learn to vomit together. It is actually an art form if you think about it.
Please don’t take this post as a bash on men, because it isn’t. I am sure men have an entire list of why they wish secretly that they were a woman. Ok, maybe not, but almost all women have had the same thoughts as above.
For the record, I would like to state that I have a wonderful husband, that takes very good care of me and the kids (minus the cleaning up vomit/poop, because he most definitely won’t do that or deal with any kind of sickness at all lol).
I will say though, women have a much higher tolerance to pain and a quicker reaction time. It has been scientifically proven. I can’t tell you who proved it but I read it on Facebook I am sure, so it must be true, lol. And that is the main reason I enjoy being a woman…oh and that whole giving birth to a human thing!
But sometimes…..I just really wish I could pee standing up!