I honestly believe that PTSD has made my husband in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. That is the best way to describe the mood swings. I am going to knock on wood before I say this next sentence…knock knock. It has been 2 weeks since the last episode! This is a first!
I know last time I said he had gone through MilitaryOneSource to try and get help. I was very surprised when he never received a response from them. It seems as even they now have turned their back on our service members as well.
So he tried to set up a time yet again. He got the confirmation email stating they had received the request (he got one the first time as well), and yet never a response. They say within 24 hours they will contact you back with an appointment time. NOPE NADA! So it looks like we are back to square one on that.
Anyway, loving someone with PTSD is like dealing with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One minute they are their caring, loving self and within a split second for no apparent (at least not apparent to us) they have become either explosively angry, or severely depressed. And during those bad times it is really hard as a wife to remember why you love the man that now looks at you like he has no idea who you are.
What gets me through are remembering the good times. I have a stash of photos and letters that I go to when Mr. Hyde shows his ugly face. It reminds me to be strong. It reminds me what we are fighting for. And that gets me through.
The hardest part for me is trying to remain calm myself. Because if I don’t things get MUCH worse. Do you have any idea how much control it takes for the other person to remain calm during a PTSD episode?! I am not one to walk away from a fight. I never have been. But, I have had to learn to remain calm and not “fight” back when this happens.
Obviously, there is a lot more to PTSD than just a bad “episode”. But for me that seems to be the worst part. Not ever knowing when the next one will be. It’s almost like you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Lately, (ok so more like months) I have been on pins and needles when things are going great, just waiting for that other shoe to hit me on the head. I have realized that this is NOT a good thing to do. Neither for yourself or the man you love.
My husband yesterday asked me why I was in such a good mood, that he hadn’t seen me like this since last Spring. It dawned on me right then, what I have been doing to make the situation worse.
Somewhere along the way I have allowed PTSD to consume myself, I allowed it to win a battle. Well PTSD, here is me fighting back. And here is me winning a battle. You will no longer make me live my life on pins and needles! My husband needs me 100%, so here’s to me shoving a boot up your fourth point of contact, and taking my life back so I can make sure I am there for him 100% because in the end, I am convinced we will win this war with you.
You will NOT tear apart this family!